I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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