sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
