having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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