I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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