Just cropdusted the office
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Drunk is a universal language darling
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
