If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
