She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
