so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
