Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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