She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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