I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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