New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
