all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
