I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
