I wish I only lived at night.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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