we made out on top of his cat.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
