so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
