please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize