Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
