Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
