This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
