dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
