I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
