I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
