Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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