It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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