i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
