She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
