so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
