I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
