She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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