she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
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He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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