but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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