Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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