All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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