I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
