pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
