I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
