@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
