We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
