Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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