Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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