Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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