ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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