Operation Purity has been aborted
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
