just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
