Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
