Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
