this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
