And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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