That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
