I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
