if you like me you must not know who I am
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize