You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
