Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I miss vodka workout Fridays
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
