Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
