We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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