the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
