You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
