She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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