one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
