there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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