so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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