Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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