God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
