he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
