he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
