Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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