Only a mothe r could love this liver
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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