the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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