Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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