Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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